Tuesday, November 30, 2021
Say No! More - A Video Game Review
Consider the last time you said “Yes” to something when you would have preferred to have said “No.” Maybe you worried saying “No” would damage a relationship. Or maybe you didn’t want to put your job at risk. In Studio Fizbin’s Say No! More you assume the role of a corporate intern on a quest to reclaim their lunch stolen by upper management. You go to battle with your manager, the C-suite, and beyond, wielding the power of a word never-before spoken within the walls of your office. Say No! More demonstrates in an over-the-top fashion how being able to say “No” can be a positive.
Although silly on the surface, Say No! More addresses the matter of social conditioning. From the moment we are born, we are taught to associate the word “Yes” with being agreeable and “No” with being disagreeable. As we age, our desire to be perceived as agreeable leads us to answer “Yes” to almost any question, even when it works against our best interests. As a facilitator of serious illness discussions, I am always looking for a way to frame questions so that the person feels comfortable answering in a way that honors their genuine selves. I realize people will often reflexively answer “Yes” and so I will rework questions to remove the onus of answering “No.”
Sharing serious news with a patient requires an environment conducive to discussion, and a big part of that is getting the timing right. A mindful clinician might first ask the patient “Is this a good time to talk?” but this phrasing risks receiving that reflexive “Yes” whether it’s actually a good time or not. We can work around this dynamic by instead asking “Is this a bad time to talk?” That way, the patient can give a “Yes” and will follow up with when it would be a better time, or they reply with a “No” that allows them to feel ownership of the conversation that follows. Timing is equally important when calling a family on the phone (where many serious conversations have been taking place these days). I often find clinicians diving in with difficult news the moment they hear “Hello” on the other end of the line. The obvious problem is that the person receiving the call could be in the middle of an important meeting or stuck driving in traffic. Asking “Is this a bad time?” disrupts the autopilot responses so common on distracted phone calls and creates the opportunity to either say “Yes” in a way that protects their needs in the moment or say “No” in a way that helps shift their focus to the conversation at hand.
Clinicians wishing to address questions of life prolonging therapy will often ask their patients questions like, “Do you still want us to do everything?” or “Would you like to go home?” Both questions can be problematic as they bias towards an affirmative response. Experts in serious illness communication recommend asking patients about what matters most to them before jumping into choices. Once the patient’s values are made explicit, we can pose a question that necessitates introspection and a prioritization of values regardless of whether the answer is “Yes” or “No.” That may sound something like this: “I am hearing that spending as much time at home with your family is very important to you, but that you are also interested in this clinical trial. Would you be willing to risk that time at home for the chance to extend your life?” In this case, “No” allows the patient to establish clear boundaries on treatment to preserve what they value most, whereas “Yes” makes explicit the hierarchy of their priorities to help the clinician offer their best advice on next steps.
Palliative care aims to help patients take control of their lives in the context of a serious illness. Creating space for patients to say “No” when needed is one way to foster that sense of control. Next time you need to have an important conversation with someone, consider how that discussion may be enriched by giving them the opportunity to Say No! More.
This post has a companion piece video hosted by Digital Doc Games (embedded below). Check out the Digital Doc Games YouTube channel hosted by Dr. Amiad Fredman for videos on how video games have a huge power to have a positive impact on people's lives.
Say No! More is available to play on PC (Steam), iOS and Nintendo Switch systems.
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Matt Tyler is a palliative care doctor in Chicago. If he's not watching Cocomelon with his daughters, he is probably playing video games.
References
1 Voss, C., Raz, T. (2017). Never split the difference: Negotiating as if your life depended on it. Random House Business Books
2 Ury, W. (2007). The power of a positive No: How to say No and still get to Yes. New York: Bantam Books.
