Mastodon Rob Pardi comments on the NY Times article about his wife, Palliative Care Physician Desiree Pardi ~ Pallimed

Friday, April 9, 2010

Rob Pardi comments on the NY Times article about his wife, Palliative Care Physician Desiree Pardi

The recent New York Times article featuring the story of Dr. Desiree Pardi, a palliative care physician with advanced breast cancer prompted a lot of responses on the NYT site (400+) as well as Lyle Fettig's post here on Pallimed.  Last night, we were able to hear Desiree's husband, Robert Pardi's view on the article and more about Desiree thoughts, actions and philosophy towards life.  With Robert's permission, I am reposting his Pallimed comment as an original post in order to make sure a more complete picture of Desiree can be understood.  Please share his words whenever you see a site, blog, or someone who may not have a rich appreciation for the complexities of her decisions or what palliative care truly means.

From Robert Pardi:

I am Desiree's husband and while I appreciate the numerous comments posted and the fact that this "story" has generated so much discussion, I need to convey that the article was very misleading and that many of the take away messages are wrongly presented.

My wife, knowing her life was going to be shorter than most spent her remaining years preaching the value of Palliative Care; something she herself accepted in her life.

The problem is most people lump Palliative Care and end-of-life care as one field of medicine. They are two separate disciplines. Second Palliative care is about providing symptom support throughout all stages of a chronic disease, it is about providing patients with a full understanding of their condition and treatments so they can live a life they want. Isn’t that what it’s all about ?

My wife never coerced people into ending a fight, she herself believed everyone should make that decision - but they have to know what they are getting into. They need to know the likely effects of treatments such as that from CPR, and know that sometimes getting on a respirator means you may never get off one. She believed in people needing to know the truth and planning accordingly.

She also believed no one should ever take away or overwhelm your coping mechanisms, her's being using me as her information buffer (inaccurately referred to as “denial” by many). We had a medical team and a wonderful oncologist for over 5 years who supported her while using me as that buffer. My wife was aware that she would most likely die in agony, and that financially I would be burdened with excessive credit card debt and emotional exhaustion. Yet, we agreed to go that route. I stopped working and learned how to function as a home health aide to support her.

I was well aware that our choices were setting her up for increased pain that she was willing to endure, but she told me that if a time comes when I need to make a choice to withdraw care that I should remember there is a difference between extending life and extending death. She said that if her body was too sick to be saved, she would not want to be "saved" if she could not function at a high level. We had that discussion, another aspect of Palliative Care - my wife lived and breathed palliative care everyday.

Please understand Palliative Care is about providing people the information they need (and avoiding false hope) so each and every one of us can make a decision about how we want to deal with a chronic disease. It is about quality in life and quality in death and tailoring a medical plan to achieve those goals.

She did not want Palliative care to visit with her in Boston because it overwhelmed her coping mechanisms, because she wanted me to be the buffer - not because she did not believe in it. Note that you are reading quotes from countless hours of being interviewed; their true meaning is lost in this "story".

One thing my wife wanted was for people to learn, to discuss, to explore the concept of palliative care based on her illness and I am thankful so many of you are discussing.

Rob Pardi

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